Thankful for Second Chances

In a couple of weeks, my daughter from Tennessee is coming down.  She is bringing two grand babes I have never met.  I haven't seen her in 19 years.  She was just a teenager fresh out of high school when I saw her last.  Now, she is a young woman with two children of her own.  Time sure has a way of getting away from us at times, it doesn't seem to ever stop, it just keeps rolling along without mercy.  I was just a kid myself when she was born.  It was a long time ago, but I think back on it now and wonder if it could have turned out differently somehow.  Maybe if I would have been stronger, or more mature, or less afraid, or, or, or...I could go on all day with the what if's, but it won't change the fact that in 37 years of her life I have only spent 1 1/2 years of her life with her.  How she must have felt growing up without her mother to be there to love and nurture her, to wipe away her tears and fears and tuck her in at night. How are we supposed to overcome that?  I find it painful that I still feel like that same sad and confused young woman I was back then.  Only this time I am much older and have missed out on the best years of my child's life.  I often think of how we could have grown up together, two young women trying to struggle to stay alive in a world not yet ready for us.  But in the end, the decision to give her at least a running chance at this life was the best decision I could have made.  At least she had some sense of stability, none of which she would have had with me for awhile.  I missed out, it is true, but I am hoping that the remaining years we have left together will be amazing and I can get to know this daughter that I lost so many years ago.   I am looking forward to the journey we have left, and know that the need to love this child of mine from so long ago is as strong today as it was when she was first born.  But then I have heard that, “Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”